It just doesn't get any easier...

Last night I received some bad news...somebody I care about lost a parent...it got me thinking about life. Isn't it funny that when we are young we think that life will get easier when we get older, and when we get older we remember the "good old days" from when we were young. In most cases (at least in my own) sometimes we delude ourselves to think that life was better when we were young,but I don't think it was,we just live trying to believe that, trying to make ourselves feel better about what has become of us. I mean I for one was a bit of a troubled teenager, all of those hormones flying around, and having to deal with school life,home life and all of those spots (which I still bloody have). Let us be completely honest here,we are never ever satisfied with what we have. NEVER. People may praise us for our achievements and may remind us that we "have done so well in life" but we can't see past the things that we didn't do. The dreams we had,but try to forget...For example,people always tell me that I should be proud of myself, I have been to a few countries,graduated from uni, worked abroad etc etc...but in truth when I hear people saying that,I feel good for like 5 minutes and then I regret the things that I haven't done, or the things that I have that I have lived to regret. I just want state that regret is easily dealt with if we just acknowledge our wrongs and then move on (although I can never forget that I could have been the next Vanessa Mae if I only kept up those violin lessons!) Yes, as negative as this sounds, life will always be tough...and as ungrateful as it sounds, we will never be happy with what we have. I mean our achievements they are all relevant to where we come from and the struggles we have faced. Like me,people are only proud of me because I came from a dysfunctional family and I hate to say it, but a broken home...yes, if I was the average Jane they would be super peed that my life has become what it has today (my family would have been proud if I tested the taste of dog food as long as I worked!). So it is all relevant to our personal struggle. So, now I believe that no matter how close we are to touching those stars, we have to be proud of who we are, and the choices we have made in life, because if we can't be proud of ourselves then we can't expect anyone else to be...kind of gone slightly off track!!!
So...back to the main topic of today...life never gets easier or harder,we simply become less/more efficient at being able to handle our problems...I battle with myself all of the time...I keep thinking GROW UP...I am not a little girl anymore, I can't let my problems eat away at me,and destroy everything that I have built up...
And so in Jerry Springer style,my "thought for the day" is this...life is what we make it,it is hard if we let it tear us apart...it is easy if we appreciate what we have...and we are only surviving if we are simply in between...
On that note, I am going to pat myself on the back (patting) and say that I am proud of myself (it feels good,make sure you have a good pat)...and that I want to live,not survive...and so, I will take everyday as it comes, and learn to live a little, you know let my hair down and have some FUN...(responsibly of course)...
To that special person that I hope will get through the recent pain...there is hope,and there is light...and I wish that God makes life easier for you in the coming days, inshallah...but as difficult as death is,it is just like life, what we make it...
lots of hugs xoxo